I have allowed myself to wallow long enough. So I am going to take just the tiniest baby steps now, to get back to my positive way of thinking. They have to be very tiny because I am very tender. Heck, it hurts to be where I am, so I am just going to have to struggle to my feet once again and take charge, so I can get to feeling better because where I have been this week hurts something awful. Isn't there a Oriental Proverb about, "If you fall seven times, get up 8 times". This kind of thinking is what has gotten me so far in my healing. I still need to use it, probably will always have to think in the positive so I can have the best life I can have. So much of my life has been wasted by abuse I received when I was young. Certainly I have not been able to be in joy as a result of it. I think I have figured out I am feeling the feelings my parts held for me all these years. These are the feelings of little kids and they are just fragments of what I should have felt if my Me's had not come in to save me. I have so much pain inside just from these bits of feelings, I can't imagine what it would have been like if I had to feel all the pain, see every incidence of abuse from so many people, every day, all thru the day. I know I would have died. No one could have experienced all that and survived. Funny, I always wanted someone to come and save me so many times as a child. No one ever did. I was blind to how my parts each worked to help me in whatever way they could so keep me alive. How very humbling. I am awed and so thankful I had my parts save me from what must have been impossible situations for a cute little girl to be in. I will be forever thankful to them. Today after I write this, I am going to sit with myself and listen or feel how it was for me back then. Then I will hug myself at long last and cry. Every tear washes away another piece of memory, I bet I will fill a bucket tonight. It's time to wash away the bits of memories that are left. My gosh, smile for me, I am washing away most of the gravel of the past abuse out of me, at long last. It has been hard but well worth it. Oh yeah, I am worth it all. I will see you at the conference. Smiling at you, Silver