I have this theory (Of course, it’s those theories formed in a crazy, misunderstood world by our, physically developing brains that support the distortions that …) that we are most comfortable with people that have distortions similar to the ones we cherish. Maybe that means we start out cherishing our partner’s distortions more than them!? It makes sense, doesn’t it? They are most likely to think and choose like we do. They will avoid the same stuff we want to avoid. We are most frightened when our partner does something we didn’t expect and it triggers those old distortions. They no longer feel like our soul mate. In fact, they can become the enemy in an instant. So we choose someone who thinks like we do, with the same distortions.

This is a gift and a curse.

My goal is to see through my distortions so I can make better choices and appreciate the world more. If my partner falls into the same distortion traps that deceive me, then we aren’t likely to change anything. On the other hand, when we discover a distortion in our partner, there’s a good chance we can find it in ourselves. That’s a win because we know where to take a closer look at ourselves. The other huge benefit is we have a special insight into understanding what drives our partner’s distortions. Sometimes we can even address the fears that drive the distortion and begin peeling back the facade that keeps it alive.

It can be life changing!

Of course, if we both fall into the distortion at the same time, there really isn’t anyone around to help us find the truth. That is a curse!

Has this happened to you?