Melody, I have had issues with this in the past also, though I do not find it to be much of a problem for me today. I conceptualized it a bit differently, once I finally understood it. My family of origin was one that would be considered by most to be extremely dysfunctional - as is the case for many children (and adults) who are impacted by trauma. In my family, one way this played out was to "split" the children - sort of the black and white you speak of, I think. In what is a sadly all-too-typical scenario, the oldest child was vilified and the younger treated much more gently. I, as the oldest, endured enormous amounts of verbal abuse as our mother took her frustration and anger out on me, leaving my younger sister to the role of comforting her once her latest tantrum was finally over. Over years of listening to this constant harangue, my mother's voice became my own inner voice. Instead of a gentle and nurturing internal commentary, I instead found myself with a voice that was razor sharp, instantly disapproving, and ready to attack at the slightest provocation. As examples, if I said something I was afraid had offended someone, if I made any tiny mistake, if I didn’t finish my to-do list on a given day, my inner voice had plenty of negative things to say about all of it! That this dialogue can be successfully overwritten - and how this can optimally be achieved - is a big part of what I will be presenting at the conference. I believe it is possible to move beyond this! In my own case, I now am able to laugh, and my inner voice laughs along with me. Together, we might ruefully note, “oh well! That’s just how it is!” when the to-do list is not finished. If I might have offended someone, my inner voice points out that I am only human and we all make this sort of mistake once in a while. I am quick to acknowledge that, and also to apologize to whomever I may have offended. My last note on this subject is that I find a little bit of kind and gentle inner voice leads to more of it which leads to even more! My inner voice and I are both much calmer, more content, and I think genuinely happier now that I am able to lighten up on myself.