I have this theory that we pick mates because they resonate with the little selves that hide in our subconscious. Usually I call them subconscious reactions or programs because that's the obvious impact they have on all of us. Something happens in our world that triggers them and when that happens it expresses itself in our bodies and how we feel. Ignore this at your relationship's peril! I can already hear the responses; "You are wrong! He doesn't really care about what I care about" or "We don't react the same to anything. You are clueless." Think about it, how do you instinctively know how to trigger your partner? Could it be that you have the same buttons? Now imagine two people afraid and in pain with the same buttons. It's amazing that we do as well as we do. The key to a great relationship that frees you to be yourself is slowly making it safe for all those parts of ourselves that we deny. When you can feel that stuff and let them live and breathe in a world filled with your partner's love and acceptance, then they become less reactive. It's not about getting rid of these little encapsulations of you. The goal is to free all of the joy they were afraid to let you feel. Now imagine that instead of learning to push each other's buttons, you learned to treasure them. To welcome them as a beautiful insight into your partner. And an opportunity to heal yourself.