Chris Brown was charged yesterday and CNN managed to get their hands on his Probation Report which indicated he had a history of violent outbursts. Everyone wants to jump on the bandwagon that he is a bad guy that has been acting badly for a long time. Of course, no one can look at the photos of Rhianna and not feel badly about what happened to her. Certainly no one deserves to be "beaten up" as she was by Chris and I would never condone such behavior. But without looking at what was underneath the behavior we are not helping anyone. Chris was sent to "anger therapy" and forbidden to get close to his love, Rhiana, for the next five years. The Judge seriously asked to have him do "labor" for his public service rather than other forms, clearly wanting to "punish" his behavior. What is missing is any kind of awareness of the cyclic patterns that drive this kind of violence. When Chris was growing up he witnessed his mother being beaten and swore, through his child's view of the world, that he would "never" do that to a woman. Yet here he is, tried and convicted. Why? Why does someone who is determined not to act in such a violent way, become a perpetrator? Simply because he doesn't know how to manage it when he is stuck in Victim thinking. Victim thinking means that he feels so helpless and out of control that he honestly thinks and feels as if HE were the victim. In other words, he felt out of control, threatened, and powerless. Any of us, when we feel trapped like that will do whatever we can to regain a sense of control. But if we have, stuck in our unconscious, a mechanism that gives us immediate release from those feelings; we will act on it. In this case, Chris has a pattern locked in his brain that gives him an out. That of course was the violence he saw perpetrated on his mother. His young brain saw that violence as a way out of feeling trapped and out of control. Then,as an adult, when faced with those feelings his automatic reactions took over and Rhiana suffered. When we are stuck in our own righteous indignation at his violent outburst, we too, remain in the victim thinking. We are, like him, attempting to find resolution in control. We ask the police and the judicial system to act as the big man to regain control over this out of control person so that we can feel in control again. Punitive actions as a response to his punitive actions, are what we have been programmed to believe is the correct action. Now I'm not saying he or anyone else should be allowed to run amok. I am saying we need to rethink how we think about and respond to all such acts of violence and instead of reflexively lashing out in a self protective fashion; practice compassion. What do you think? Comment below if you agree, or if you think punitive reactions are appropriate in some cases. I'd love to hear your thoughts.